When my son was younger and we didn't have a diagnosis, trying to figure out why he would react to things was beyond mind boggling. One technique I learned in much later years, was to see life through his eyes. This took some training and research. Today while standing at the front of church, he became agitated. (We make it a habit not to leave him in groups of people by himself.) He wanted to leave and his father redirected him and he calmed down. Later while discussing the situation, he wondered why he became so panicky. I let him know what I saw and I reminded him that he was standing with lots of people, some who were new to him and we hadn't been there for a couple of weeks due to being out of town.
This is new for us. Having him being able to describe how he is feeling and being able to redirect. It has taken many years to get to this point. Believe me, it doesn't always happen so easy either. There are many times he gets upset and has no idea why or how to make it go away. When he was younger, radical unexpected behaviors happened everywhere. I learned to take note of the environment and see what was happening through his eyes.
Autistic children have heightened sensory input. Most are extremely sensitive to smell, lights, sounds, crowds, colors and so on. They interpret the world much differently. Research, watch your child, take mental notes and you will son be able to see life through his eyes to help them cope with situations. This takes time. Years of experience from different situations is one of the best ways to help you see life through their eyes.
Be encouraged, for with every struggle, trial, and situation comes greater insight into your child's world and how they see life. I am confident that when a parent tunes into their child the insight and understanding comes. I also believe that if you ask God for wisdom, He gives it liberally. I honestly can't count the number of times I have asked for wisdom beyond my years and gained tremendous wisdom in situations.
Thanks for stopping by,
It's a privilege to share my story.
Lynne
Monday, October 31, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Catching up
We have recently had a family emergency which required some travel and an unexpected stay at my parents with the children. I have had many blog ideas racing through my mind as we have taken our trip and started the fall season.
There are just times that I am in a constant state of "catching up" The past few days after returning home have been like that. It seemed like every area of my life needed attention. It was much easier at this season of my experienced life to just make a list and do it simply by priority one at a time. I must confess that there have been times in past years while my children were younger that this state of "catching up" would cause incredible overwhelming dread and almost immobilizing fear. Have you ever felt that way?
Parenting an autistic or mentally ill child carries extra pressures. More than one child, children of different ages, needs, school, sports, dance, piano lessons, etc, can lead to hectic, always running lifestyle. This can lead to a constant state of trying to "catch up". It's always striving for a "goal" that never seems to be reached and you feel like your failing at everything. Some of us are born with the need to perform for acceptance which fuels this compulsion even more.
It's simple. Release the pressure before the bottle explodes. List out the priorities and simply do it little by little. You have been given a precious gift that requires extra time, love, support, and training. Catching up happens, eventually, and then you fall behind again...
You will catch up. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I know it is much easier to isolate, but people don't know you need assistance if you don't ask, my friend. Most people just don't understand the demands.
Be brave and courageous.
Thanks for stopping by and I will try to catch up on this blog soon! :)
Lynne
There are just times that I am in a constant state of "catching up" The past few days after returning home have been like that. It seemed like every area of my life needed attention. It was much easier at this season of my experienced life to just make a list and do it simply by priority one at a time. I must confess that there have been times in past years while my children were younger that this state of "catching up" would cause incredible overwhelming dread and almost immobilizing fear. Have you ever felt that way?
Parenting an autistic or mentally ill child carries extra pressures. More than one child, children of different ages, needs, school, sports, dance, piano lessons, etc, can lead to hectic, always running lifestyle. This can lead to a constant state of trying to "catch up". It's always striving for a "goal" that never seems to be reached and you feel like your failing at everything. Some of us are born with the need to perform for acceptance which fuels this compulsion even more.
It's simple. Release the pressure before the bottle explodes. List out the priorities and simply do it little by little. You have been given a precious gift that requires extra time, love, support, and training. Catching up happens, eventually, and then you fall behind again...
You will catch up. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I know it is much easier to isolate, but people don't know you need assistance if you don't ask, my friend. Most people just don't understand the demands.
Be brave and courageous.
Thanks for stopping by and I will try to catch up on this blog soon! :)
Lynne
Saturday, October 15, 2011
The In-Between
There is a place I call the in-between. It's a place unique to children like my son. Somewhere in the developmental process it almost seems like you have stalled by the road side and are broken down. We are in an in-between season and I suspect we will be for an undetermined amount of time. Even though my son has officially finished high school, he is not ready for college or trade school. This journey is new and unpredictable. My husband and I have taken steps to help him aim for bigger and better things in life and prepare for the next phase.
One of the first things we have done is added a transition counselor who specializes in my son's diagnosis. He has helped us to focus on accomplishments, creating them, and recording them so they can be an encouragement. I help him keep track by recording them so in the session I can help him remember if needed. He is also working on goals and career choices along with investigating careers of interest at his own pace.
Another thing we do daily is create opportunities to learn, apply, or participate in new life skills. This can be a simple as writing a check, a trip to the store where he goes in alone for items, or staying at home by himself for a few minutes while I run an errand. We are training him in every possible area. My son loves learning how to cook foods he likes and it boosts his self-esteem.
We set goals that pertain to his skills and future desires. He is learning how to type and works on reading regularly for future education. We have sought out classes and lessons in the community that help him develop his art skills for future endeavors. He is writing letters of correspondence to his therapist and family to better his communication skills.
Is this a phase I can say is easy? Absolutely not, but I am learning to take it a day or week at a time. The reality is that his doctors and therapists are working on skills he has to acquire to proceed with life and those have to come first. One step at a time. If he acquires the coping skills to handle the anxiety, then and only then can life proceed. It's a delicate balance. My husband and I continue to seek for wisdom and direction to help him adapt and proceed through this in-between phase.
One thing that I am sure of is this hasn't been our first in between phase, nor will it be the last.
Learning to Limbo!
Lynne
One of the first things we have done is added a transition counselor who specializes in my son's diagnosis. He has helped us to focus on accomplishments, creating them, and recording them so they can be an encouragement. I help him keep track by recording them so in the session I can help him remember if needed. He is also working on goals and career choices along with investigating careers of interest at his own pace.
Another thing we do daily is create opportunities to learn, apply, or participate in new life skills. This can be a simple as writing a check, a trip to the store where he goes in alone for items, or staying at home by himself for a few minutes while I run an errand. We are training him in every possible area. My son loves learning how to cook foods he likes and it boosts his self-esteem.
We set goals that pertain to his skills and future desires. He is learning how to type and works on reading regularly for future education. We have sought out classes and lessons in the community that help him develop his art skills for future endeavors. He is writing letters of correspondence to his therapist and family to better his communication skills.
Is this a phase I can say is easy? Absolutely not, but I am learning to take it a day or week at a time. The reality is that his doctors and therapists are working on skills he has to acquire to proceed with life and those have to come first. One step at a time. If he acquires the coping skills to handle the anxiety, then and only then can life proceed. It's a delicate balance. My husband and I continue to seek for wisdom and direction to help him adapt and proceed through this in-between phase.
One thing that I am sure of is this hasn't been our first in between phase, nor will it be the last.
Learning to Limbo!
Lynne
Monday, October 10, 2011
The Changing cycles
I wanted to share a bit about bi-polar disorder. We didn't know what it was for years. The first time we even had heard of it was from parents who had a teenager in our youth group. My son was really little at the time and had no idea we would experience this in our own child.
This mental illness used to be called manic-depressive disorder. It is real and it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. To break it down, the highs or mania are really high. People with bi-polar disorder have a manic episode have incredible energy, sleep less, talk fast and have grandiose ideas about their ability for just about everything. The depressive side is just the opposite with extreme lows. They feel worthless, sleep much more, everything is an effort.
When my son was younger, he cycled several times a day, switching from mania to depression in a matter of minutes, it was crazy and difficult to handle life. You never knew when some little something would affect him. Life was real fragile for a few years. Mania meant making sure he paid attention to simple things like looking before he ran across the road to play, or slowing him down to talk to you because he talked so fast you couldn't even begin to understand him. He was clumsy, spilled lots of things just moving too fast. He was the energizer bunny. Then he would flip to total despair, crying, and thinking that he was doomed to die. This rapid cycling was exhausting to keep up with.
Seasonal cycling started about 5-6 years ago. My doctor has kept records and has charted the cycles. I would encourage you to do the same for yourself. Just document the months you see changes. For us, my son starts manic behavior around the end of the school year. This is typical because the routine changes and you lose structure during the summer months. He also had issues with bugs and hated being hot. Then in the early fall, if the mania isn't under control, it usually gets worse with the start of school. Typical behavior due to new school year, new routine, people, etc. By late fall we cycle from mania to depression about October. My son seriously dislikes Halloween, passionately. The images are disturbing to him, always have been. We can be anywhere this time a year and he will see something disturbing, and well, let me just say it goes down hill fast. The depressive side means it's difficult to get him to do anything. He is sluggish, sleeps more, has no self esteem, feels doomed and often battle repetitive thoughts of hurting himself. My husband and I stay on "duty" 24/7 during these times.
There are a few things we do during both cycles. During mania, we restrict his sugar and caffeine intake. Have you seen the squirrel on a movie that drinks too much coffee, that's my son! It helps considerably. We get him moving to burn as much energy as possible. His brother wrestling with him used to help tremendously. During the depressive side, we get him walking on the treadmill to beef up those endorphins. We use lots of humor, have an "open door" policy in his room and just try to encourage him as many times as it takes to help him walk through it. We have tried light therapy in the winter, it has helped some too. Not many people can understand the trauma going on in his head even though he looks to be "okay" to others. A simple comment in church can send him into a deep, dark place. My radar is always on. We let him know we have his back.
If your child has bi-polar disorder, chart the cycles. If they are cycling several times a day, let your doctor know. This is important information. Research all you can and learn all you can. Being knowledgeable makes such a big difference in helping your child reach their full potential during these difficult cycles. Again, I am no expert, just a parent who has walked through some experiences.
Thanks for stopping by and feel free to share with anyone who might benefit from this blog.
Lynne
This mental illness used to be called manic-depressive disorder. It is real and it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. To break it down, the highs or mania are really high. People with bi-polar disorder have a manic episode have incredible energy, sleep less, talk fast and have grandiose ideas about their ability for just about everything. The depressive side is just the opposite with extreme lows. They feel worthless, sleep much more, everything is an effort.
When my son was younger, he cycled several times a day, switching from mania to depression in a matter of minutes, it was crazy and difficult to handle life. You never knew when some little something would affect him. Life was real fragile for a few years. Mania meant making sure he paid attention to simple things like looking before he ran across the road to play, or slowing him down to talk to you because he talked so fast you couldn't even begin to understand him. He was clumsy, spilled lots of things just moving too fast. He was the energizer bunny. Then he would flip to total despair, crying, and thinking that he was doomed to die. This rapid cycling was exhausting to keep up with.
Seasonal cycling started about 5-6 years ago. My doctor has kept records and has charted the cycles. I would encourage you to do the same for yourself. Just document the months you see changes. For us, my son starts manic behavior around the end of the school year. This is typical because the routine changes and you lose structure during the summer months. He also had issues with bugs and hated being hot. Then in the early fall, if the mania isn't under control, it usually gets worse with the start of school. Typical behavior due to new school year, new routine, people, etc. By late fall we cycle from mania to depression about October. My son seriously dislikes Halloween, passionately. The images are disturbing to him, always have been. We can be anywhere this time a year and he will see something disturbing, and well, let me just say it goes down hill fast. The depressive side means it's difficult to get him to do anything. He is sluggish, sleeps more, has no self esteem, feels doomed and often battle repetitive thoughts of hurting himself. My husband and I stay on "duty" 24/7 during these times.
There are a few things we do during both cycles. During mania, we restrict his sugar and caffeine intake. Have you seen the squirrel on a movie that drinks too much coffee, that's my son! It helps considerably. We get him moving to burn as much energy as possible. His brother wrestling with him used to help tremendously. During the depressive side, we get him walking on the treadmill to beef up those endorphins. We use lots of humor, have an "open door" policy in his room and just try to encourage him as many times as it takes to help him walk through it. We have tried light therapy in the winter, it has helped some too. Not many people can understand the trauma going on in his head even though he looks to be "okay" to others. A simple comment in church can send him into a deep, dark place. My radar is always on. We let him know we have his back.
If your child has bi-polar disorder, chart the cycles. If they are cycling several times a day, let your doctor know. This is important information. Research all you can and learn all you can. Being knowledgeable makes such a big difference in helping your child reach their full potential during these difficult cycles. Again, I am no expert, just a parent who has walked through some experiences.
Thanks for stopping by and feel free to share with anyone who might benefit from this blog.
Lynne
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Relax and Take The Alternate Route
Driving on a journey can be done faster usually on the interstate. There are lots of lanes, convenient services, and less obstacles to encounter. Today, I am taking about the alternate routes you take with children with mental illnesses or autism.
Recently, my family met my oldest son who is away at college half way for dinner. It was in beautiful east Tennessee. I love to travel in the fall to see the scenery. On our way home, we decided to take an alternate route back home. It was one we had never been on and it was a windy road down the mountain. The day was just perfect for rolling down the window and enjoying the view. For me, a road trip on back roads has become a place a relaxing. I usually want a cup of great coffee or tea in my hand as I look out the window.
In thinking about life as a parent or life coach for my diagnosed son with mental illnesses, I remember the many times it felt like we were taking an alternate route from the flow of life others were taking and the route we expected life to take us. It used to stress me out. I have to admit, in my younger years, taking the interstate was faster and got you to where you were going in less time. Life's pace was faster and I had too many plates spinning in the air I had to keep up. I didn't enjoy anything that took us an alternate route from the normal realm of travel for a parent and child. The extra appointments to work into the schedule, the extra time to get ready, the extra patience, and the episodes of complete chaos that took us off the road we were on to unfamiliar routes. I have to admit, I faced them with complaining and frustration which in reality, just made things worse.
I am no sage, but I have learned a few things that have helped the many alternate roads you travel on with our children. One things is to just relax! You will get to wherever you are going when you get there. No fretting, worry, or frustration helps you get there faster, my friend. It is what it is, so just relax. All that fretting, worry, and hurry does is affect your own health and the peace of your children. Believe me, I know.
Another thing I have learned is enjoy the trip. As I said before, I love a good cup of coffee while traveling. I still find a good cup of coffee when I am weary running to appointments to help me just relax and enjoy the trip. I guess the coffee in my hand reminds me to chill. We also instituted something years ago when having to go to countless appointments for my children. They would be treated to a special treat or lunch somewhere new. I can' tell you the number of difficult therapies that we got through with my son by giving him a special reward for enduring. Many restaurants have been explored by us in the city by doing this and special memories made that allowed all of us to enjoy the trip.
The last thing that I learned is to make the most out of the trip. Use your time wisely. Plan for those long appointments, not only for your children, but for you. Bring stuff to read that encourages you or paperwork you need to do. If you knit or crochet, it's a great time to get some gifts done! Some of our appointments took lots of time and waiting. It really helped me to have things that needed done with me to help keep my life less stressed. (Now, I realize, when they are younger your entire time is spent keeping them from stressing and helping to entertain them. It does get easier through the years, be encouraged.) Another thing I learned to do while I was out was to fit as many other things in I could. I would make a Walmart or grocery run on my way home so I didn't have to make another trip out or run through the drive through at the pharmacy or the post office. Learning to make the most out of my alternate route helped my productivity and lessened the stress for me.
The next time you are driving on an alternate route in life, remember you may not have chosen this route, but you can choose to enjoy and make the most of it and just relax. You might as well!
Thanks for stopping by,
Lynne
Recently, my family met my oldest son who is away at college half way for dinner. It was in beautiful east Tennessee. I love to travel in the fall to see the scenery. On our way home, we decided to take an alternate route back home. It was one we had never been on and it was a windy road down the mountain. The day was just perfect for rolling down the window and enjoying the view. For me, a road trip on back roads has become a place a relaxing. I usually want a cup of great coffee or tea in my hand as I look out the window.
In thinking about life as a parent or life coach for my diagnosed son with mental illnesses, I remember the many times it felt like we were taking an alternate route from the flow of life others were taking and the route we expected life to take us. It used to stress me out. I have to admit, in my younger years, taking the interstate was faster and got you to where you were going in less time. Life's pace was faster and I had too many plates spinning in the air I had to keep up. I didn't enjoy anything that took us an alternate route from the normal realm of travel for a parent and child. The extra appointments to work into the schedule, the extra time to get ready, the extra patience, and the episodes of complete chaos that took us off the road we were on to unfamiliar routes. I have to admit, I faced them with complaining and frustration which in reality, just made things worse.
I am no sage, but I have learned a few things that have helped the many alternate roads you travel on with our children. One things is to just relax! You will get to wherever you are going when you get there. No fretting, worry, or frustration helps you get there faster, my friend. It is what it is, so just relax. All that fretting, worry, and hurry does is affect your own health and the peace of your children. Believe me, I know.
Another thing I have learned is enjoy the trip. As I said before, I love a good cup of coffee while traveling. I still find a good cup of coffee when I am weary running to appointments to help me just relax and enjoy the trip. I guess the coffee in my hand reminds me to chill. We also instituted something years ago when having to go to countless appointments for my children. They would be treated to a special treat or lunch somewhere new. I can' tell you the number of difficult therapies that we got through with my son by giving him a special reward for enduring. Many restaurants have been explored by us in the city by doing this and special memories made that allowed all of us to enjoy the trip.
The last thing that I learned is to make the most out of the trip. Use your time wisely. Plan for those long appointments, not only for your children, but for you. Bring stuff to read that encourages you or paperwork you need to do. If you knit or crochet, it's a great time to get some gifts done! Some of our appointments took lots of time and waiting. It really helped me to have things that needed done with me to help keep my life less stressed. (Now, I realize, when they are younger your entire time is spent keeping them from stressing and helping to entertain them. It does get easier through the years, be encouraged.) Another thing I learned to do while I was out was to fit as many other things in I could. I would make a Walmart or grocery run on my way home so I didn't have to make another trip out or run through the drive through at the pharmacy or the post office. Learning to make the most out of my alternate route helped my productivity and lessened the stress for me.
The next time you are driving on an alternate route in life, remember you may not have chosen this route, but you can choose to enjoy and make the most of it and just relax. You might as well!
Thanks for stopping by,
Lynne
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