Today I was reminded of the engagement process. Engage means to occupy the attention. In a child with preoccupied mental issues, engaging in life around them is sometimes difficult. Paying attention to what is happening in the moment, being alert to situations, or simply remembering what they are doing or what they have been told to do. There are some days when my son does not engage in the moments of life happening around him. His mind is going so fast with thoughts that he can't focus on anything. ANYTHING! It happens with my son for no reason at all. Yesterday, we were changing the timing on a medication and we did a little something different the day before. Nothing was easy, everything took redirection or plan B today. He was unable to engage in life while it was happening most of the day.
We have gone through situations where my son disengages for days at a time. When his anxiety is too high too many days in a row, he does this. There are other days when he seems to be living life engaged and all of a sudden he feels anxiety and you lose him. It happened there other day at Mc Donalds. My gentle giant got frustrated and anxious over something simple and he ran right out in front of a truck in the drive through trying to get to the car. Scared me to death. He was honestly clueless to his surroundings and almost got hit. Situations like this happen out in public all the time. I have learned to stay alert.
When your child disengages, it's a signal. We look at what happened right before. We discuss the situation now. In his early teens, it wasn't possible to figure out what triggered the disengagement. You just plunge through the day the best way possible. Thankfully, now he has learned to communicate most of the time. We review the situation by talking with him and go over what went wrong and why it is important to be alert to life around you and how he could have handled it better.
Some days we have to purposely direct him into life. My husband and I work hard at encouraging him to engage in life. My husband has things that just he and my son do like adventures into the woods or going to Academy sports. I redirect with activities, routines or learning new skills. He is learning to cook. We are working on giving him accomplishments everyday and he loves being able to succeed at a new dish. However, some days, like yesterday, he cut his finger just a little and it was over. He didn't want to make his famous meatloaf for any reason, obsessing over his finger.
I shared to encourage you. Engaging, or getting your child's full attention does help the development process. It should be used as much as possible. There are some days you can engage them and keep them going through the day with redirecting, activities, new skills and adventures. Please know there are some days you can't. Maybe something happened to help them lose their focus, maybe is was simple and you can figure it out, but sometimes you can't. I used to put added stress on me trying to figure it out and push him to engage, causing more stress on me, him and the family. May I suggest you use calming techniques and allow your child to retreat to something comfortable for them if they aren't engaging. Tomorrow is another day. Adjust.
Thanks for stopping by,
Momma Lynne
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