If you can read this...

We have all seen this little saying on a bumper sticker, 'If you can read this, you are too close.'  Well, that is the nice version. 

I can read my son's movements, gestures, sounds, faces, but it didn't use to be that way.  It has taken years to acquire.  Having a child with any form of ASD, (autism spectrum disorder) makes communication quite difficult and with severe forms, almost impossible.  I had to learn to "read" situations, behaviors, body gestures to learn what was happening.  In other words, I had to get close enough to know him better. 

Reading a situation to figure out the crazy behavior sometimes was just common sense.  Like the night my 6 or 7 year old boy was at a class in the gym when they came to get me and said,  "Your son is freaking out."  Upon getting to the gym, I quickly noticed lots of boy on both sides of the gym and a huge pile of shoes in the center.  I immediately knew what game they were playing.  Although my son usually handled class and even games, this one sent him into a huge melt-down.  Once the game was over, I went to grab his shoes, grabbed him kicking and screaming and headed to a quiet hallway. I sat on the floor, held him, then proceeded to wrap my arms and and legs around his to contain him and whispered comforting words in his ears.  It took 15 minutes to calm him down.  My son hated chaos, hated to be sock footed on a strange floor, (it felt dirty) AND couldn't tie his shoes. Seeing his shoes thrown into that large pile, was just too much.  That read wasn't all that difficult for me.

However, in another situation, his behavior was random, he would stand up and kick a file cabinet during a Sunday school class.  When they asked me about why he was acting this way, I had to start asking questions.  It only happened once in a while, but upon further investigation, it was only when a "new" teacher came in to teach his class that he didn't know.  This is when I realized there was usually a trigger to his behavior.

As he grew, gestures changed, so again common sense was sometimes obvious.  If he wouldn't touch something, he thought it had germs.  Simple enough.  However, if he wasn't getting dressed in proper time, there was usually a situation I had to read.  This still is the case.  It use to be obsessions about socks, the right ones; had to be WHITE, tube, with no seams etc.,  or shoestring loops on the shoes being perfect, or something totally different.  Now, it can be wearing the shirt that feels "right" to him. 

In the teen years while he and his older brother went on "adventures" (trips to mall, movie, or store)  and my son had random, strange behavior, I often had to have my older son rehearse the events to determine the behavior.  I had to get close to the situation to read what was going on.  It can be extremely frustrating for people to realize this disability affects his every moment.    Might I add, my son has the best big brother ever, and he has been his battle buddy for years.

Another simple common sense read was when his brother left for school.  My son literally shut down for days. ( I will talk more about the shut down in a later post. )  Changes like this; a death in the family, a move, school starting, school ending, are times of added stress and behavior will be affected.

People are amazed at the relationship my husband and I have with our son.  We can redirect his behavior now with a simple touch on the leg or shoulder,  a throat clearing, or even a look most of the time.   PLEASE KNOW, it has taken lots of work, determination to build this communication and TIME.  In those earlier years I wondered if I could ever figure out how to read him.  Please be encouraged that it does get better, and if you look back over long periods of time, you will see progress if you remain diligent.

Please note:  because we are dealing with multiple mental illnesses, there are still days, weeks, and seasons, we don't have a clue how to read him.   (I call that reality slapping me in the face.)

My advice, get close and read everything.  Use common sense, investigate, and ask questions.   It matters and it makes a HUGE difference.  It will be worth it.

Sharing my journey,

Lynne