I was thinking tonight of how I wanted to share my heart with you. You see, about 6 years ago my heart started showing great signs of stress. I wanted to go back to school, but things with my son were difficult. I started back to college to finish a degree and 2 months into it, I wound up in the hospital with a heart beating way to fast. Upon being rushed for a CT scan, the radioactive die blew in my vein and my right arm had a reaction. I was in the hospital for a week, holding my arm above my head. A surgeon stayed with me all night the first night, checking my arm and hand that was swollen 5 times it's size. He was ready to rush me to surgery any moment to relieve the pressure to prevent my hand from exploding. Crazy, I know. Thankfully, my arm recovered. It was one full year before I gained total use of my arm back. My heart had to be shocked back into rhythm at another hospital through a scope so they could look at it. Obviously, school was stopped that semester. Honestly, I really had not thought about the continuous stress in my life. I started to think about my heart health much more.
Upon recent visits to the doctor, my body has continued to show signs of stress. I realize I am getting older, however, my stress level remains much higher than most. People make the comment about how I live with what we live with. To me, it's life. It's what I have to live with, but I want you to know I don't do it alone. If I have learned anything, I can not bear this burden. The incredible grief, pressure, stress of caring for a mentally ill child is too much to bear. We have two other children, one who gets just as much time and attention as my son. Sometimes I feel like the energizer bunny. Other times I am so drained I can't even function.
A therapist asked me the other day, "how do you handle all of this." Well, I don't. I can't handle it alone. I have an incredible life partner, my husband, who is my battle buddy in life. He has invested every part of his being into life coaching our son. He spends as much time as physically possible with him after very long days at work. I have support from my family. My momma listens to all of my rantings, cries, and frustrations. I wouldn't have made it this far without her. Most important, I have a relationship with Jesus, who is my strength in weakness, and I am nothing without Him.
Nurture your physical body, mental wellness and your spirit man. This is a long journey. I love to read, coupon, cook new recipes, and bake. I love to sit outside on my back deck with a cup of coffee and spend a few moments in the quite reflecting, looking up into the sky. My devotions give me encouragement and courage for the day. I love to walk. I am not able to leave my house or my son for too long, so we bought a treadmill. It's not as fun, but it's good for my heart. My husband and I don't get as many date nights as I would like, but we do as many as we can, even if it's a cup a coffee for just a few minutes.
You plan care for your child, start planning care for you. It's vital. I would encourage you to introduce care givers who can come and give you a couple of hours off a week. It is amazing how just a few hours without the constant pressure relieves you. Also, there are some support groups out there. Search the web for your a local support group. If you make a commitment for caring for yourself now, it will make a difference for you in the future.
From my heart,
Lynne
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