The Grief Process

You started it the day you heard the first mental illness diagnosis for your child.  The day the tests confirmed autism.   The day you had to medicate your child to give him quality of life.  

Your heart may have revisited step one and two  upon every normal childhood development milestone that looked  different in your child.

Every school form for special assistance, every camp or club questionnaire or information sheet you have to fill out,  every social security disability form application, or even the car insurance company who wanted to know if there were other driving age students in the house and why they weren't driving.  Nothing really prepares you for some of these unexpected questions. All of these situations shoot grief emotions into your heart.

Oh, and there is the constant changing of medications, because although you try something new to help, after months of slowly increasing the med, you find out it doesn't work anyway, and you slowly have to decrease it, stay off of anything for a week and then try something else the same way.  All during these long, exhausting months, your child's quality of life is horrible, daily living is difficult, this is when grief can come and just overwhelm your entire life.
This is the hidden story behind household doors with a mentally ill child.

Then there is the documentation you get from the doctors.  You need to read it and keep it for records and future applications for assistance, but it's hard to see in on paper, poor life expectancy, your heart wants to hope, but the written diagnosis seems worse sometimes and again causes grief.  

Grief Process revisited.

    1.  Denial and isolation

    2.  Anger

    3.  Bargaining

    4.  Depression

    5.  Acceptance

I think I stayed in a grief cycle longer because of our constant state of diagnosis that took 11 years from ADHD, Bi-polar disorder, then it was Bi-Polar disorder with psychotic episodes, then it was later defined as an Autism Spectrum Disorder, Bi-polar disorder and Obsessive Compulsive disorder with possible Anxiety disorder. 

The denial and isolation comes on fast with diagnosis. Some form of anger usually follows.  Be oh so careful not to dump this anger on your spouse.  Please, please know although this is incredibly difficult on a marriage, you can walk stronger together as a couple.  It can be done, my husband and I are going on 25 years.  Seek some marriage counseling, or get into a parent support group as soon as possible.

The rest of the steps happen, the bargaining with God, the depression and finally acceptance.  These steps can take months or even years to process through.

I never realized that I would grieve so much, at so many milestones, at so many set-backs, or walk though such depression or isolation.  I reveal this because my heart is to encourage those who may be in similar situations.  Again, I encourage you to be vulnerable, seek out counselors, friends, clergy who can assist you with this.  You need to be your best to care take and life coach a child with mental illnesses or autism, so please, tend to the issues of your heart's grief.

Sharing my journey,

Lynne