When the storms come

As a parent of a child with multiple mental illnesses, I understand that storms come into your house and into your family.  Just like storms in the weather, they can be unexpected and come up quickly or brew for quite some time and you can see them in time to prepare.  I looked up instructions for sailing in bad weather.  You have heard the life saying that if life changes, adjust your sail.  I found some of the sailing through storms instructions applicable for sailing through life's storms with a mentally ill child.

• Record your position in the boat's log.
• Assign tasks to each crew member based on ability and experience.
• Fatigue plays a major role in boating accidents - poor decision making; lack of co-ordination; apathy and morale. Schedule shifts to keep the crew as rested as possible.
• Prepare meals in advance and then re-heat. Warm food will help avoid hypothermia, increase morale and the extra carbohydrates will give the crew more energy.
• Look at the chart for potential hazards (lee shore, rocks etc.) and areas of safe harbor. Pick the best route with alternative routes should conditions change.
• As a skipper it is important to remain calm and to instill confidence in the crew that everything is going to be alright.

My family has faced some incredible storms in the past ten years.  Some of the above instructions can be applied as follows:

    * Record what is happening.   This is so helpful for the doctors and therapists on your 

    team to better assess and provide assistance for you.  When your days run together due 

    to stress and lack of sleep, you can't possibly remember everything.  Take time to jot down

    specific incidents, behaviors, aggressions, etc.

    *Get assistance by assigning tasks to others.  Acquire help from family

     for picking up other children from school, going to events, etc., which allows you less 
      responsibility.  Allow others to help. This may mean asking your children, neighbors, or 
     friends for assistance. You will need others on your crew. 

      *Take Shifts.  Fatigue sets in fast when dealing with a mentally ill child in a storm. 
       Fatigue can cause you to over react, make poor decisions, and be more overwhelmed.
       Realize that you will need sleep and breaks.  In the hardest storms of our lives, my 
       husband and I take turns taking shifts.  My beautiful husband has come home from a
       long day of work to sleep on my son's floor more times than I can remember.  He also 
      "takes a shift" so I can take a nap or get a way for a couple of hours.  We have even 
       taken turns going to church.

     Prepare meals and have family dinner.  Family dinners happen all the time in my 

     house, usually 5-7 times a week.  It centers us and brings stability to everyone.  It is 
     harder in a storm to make this happen, but we take any short cut we can to make it 
     possible.   If people ask how they can help, let them know that providing a dinner would 
     be a great help!  Order take out, use a frozen dinner, or eat sandwiches.  Keeping
     routines helps keep stability and builds morale.  

       *Check for areas of potential hazards and for safe harbor.   
      We don't have people over when we are in a severe storm, it would be a definite 
      potential for disaster and more added stress.  We plan an alternate route if the conditions 
      don't change.  We talk to our doctor and have a plan.  We also change our schedule, 
      lessening activities and outings, taking safe harbor until the storm passes in our home
      with comforting measures.  You have to stay in the safe place until the storm passes.

      *Remain calm and instill confidence.  As a parent of three children, the worst storms 
      affect us all. I must remain calm not only for my son, but for my other children, too.  It is 
     necessary to let them know it will be okay and that this storm will pass.  They see, hear,
      and smell, the storm just like everyone else.   We hug, encourage, and pray with all of 
      our children during severe storms.  

Weather changes and storms happen.  It is a reality with a mentally ill child, in life, and in this world in which we live.  Learning techniques to help you weather the storm is an important tool for survival.  Remember, this too shall pass.


Encouraging from my heart,
Lynne